Tag Archives: adventure

The Possibility of My End – A Bike Tourist’s Fears

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Me on a ferry from Zebrugge to Hull.

Me on a ferry from Zebrugge to Hull.

There is only so much you can prepare and read up on to cycle around the world. The preparation comes in the form of amassing enough bicycle and survivor knowledge to make it through the rougher, more isolated patches of the tour, being attuned to quick fixes, work arounds and just knowing of the very possibility of being stranded with your loyal, two wheeled steed. Reading provides additional knowledge about these dire times on the road, but also acts as sort of a harlequin novel, a steamy romance, a fantastical exposé brimming with exoticism. It never seems real, even when there are people I know in the publication’s pictures, people I have met amidst the journey that I now read about.

 

Pancake in Middelburg, Netherlands

Pancake in Middelburg, Netherlands

So there is a gap in reality, an unfathomable, and unpreparable amount of possibilities that precariously latch on to a “world cycling tour”. These “what ifs” hit me like a cacophony of screaming voices, naysaying that this as a great idea, doubting it’s logic, tearing it apart like it was a carcass, and each melancholic tone was a ravenous hyena. Some of the voices are real, as in, they are real people telling me of their fears of what is to become of me. Some of the voices are deep inside of me, concerned for my own soundness of mind and safety. My biggest fears of the road are as follows.

 

Beatup

 

Robbery

 

On my 2010 tour from Amsterdam to Istanbul I experienced this. Two Bulgarians beat the shit out of me in Svilengrad. In the end, they only got a pair of battered sunglasses and I was able to ride through Greece and into Turkey the next day. My fear is what if it had had a less pleasant outcome? What if they had had weapons that they simply didn’t just carry for brandishing purposes? I know that being robbed and hurt is always a possibility, even in my own city, but especially when I travel to countries where I appear to be an anomaly, associated with the wealthy Western hemisphere, simply due to my leisure form of travel and the colour of my skin. I have theorized how I will try to avoid this from the get go. Again, if anyone has better alternatives, please chime in. First is to camouflage the bicycle. I don’t care about its appearance; just it’s condition and functionality. Scratching it, smearing paint on it, dinging it a bit, may draw less attention to it as a shiny, new bike and that it’s owner is financial well off. Growing out my hair, both on my face and head, may also give myself the appearance of a gruff vagrant, a drifter, as opposed to a bike tourist who has a Gopro Camera, computer and plethora of other gizmos and gadgets on his person. Finally, I plan to carry an additional wallet on me, that only contains a few dollars and possibly some expired cards. My theory is, that as long as I present the robbers with something and that in the heat of the moment, they think that is all I have, they may take it and let me go along my merry way.

 

 

Some crazy dude rebuilt Noah's Ark in Dordrecht, Netherlands.

Some crazy dude rebuilt Noah’s Ark in Dordrecht, Netherlands.

 

Violence

 

As quick as a spark from flint, civil disorder, violent upheaval and run-amuckery can explode in any corner of the earth. Tensions can lead to sweltering results and my fear is that I get unknowingly entrapped in a situation, which puts me face to face with blind and jaded violence, that takes aim at anything moving in it’s general vicinity. There is no way to avoid this unforeseen problem, asides from keeping my ear to the road, asking locals about each step of the journey, keeping abreast of any reports and/or rumors and being flexible to change my plans at a moment’s notice. There are certain countries that have been built into my Eurocentric mentality to fear. A large part of this journey is to reconsider these fears and if they are built upon generalized fiction or appalling truths. Yet, they still remain fears, that no matter how much blunt logic stands against them, like the peak of a rollercoaster, the thought of them, makes my skin clammy, my breath pick up, my heart run a marathon.

 

Kinderdijk, UNESCO windmills in the Netherlands.

Kinderdijk, UNESCO windmills in the Netherlands.

 

Natural Obstacles

 

Cyclists die all the time and aren’t found for months due to the remoteness of their final resting places. The human body can only endure so much starvation and exhaustion, before turning on itself, shutting down specific faculties, breaking down tissue, trying to protect and feed the brain and heart from finally giving out. Sorry for the details, but I am scared of these places, scared that my bike knowledge will suddenly escape me and I will stranded with a broken bicycle in the middle of a desert or on the very top of a barren mountain with not a sign of life for a thousand kilometers in each direction, snow spilling out of the guts of the cloudy skies above. I am trying to avoid this by compiling a “Bikes for Dummies” guide for myself, both as a digital and physical copy, in case I run out of electricity and/or my solar panels are dead or broken. Each plan has a backup plan, so if A doesn’t work, or B, C will definitely work. I am trying to cover all my bases to avoid, peaceful nature, turning into maleficent natural disaster. I plan to switch out gear when I come to the big cities, because as the weather and the terrain changes, it will require a different approach to each aspect of road life. A tent will be needed instead of a hammock, a cover slip will be replaced by a thick sleeping back, thin and wiley tires, will be replaced with ones with ultimate traction. Again, being practical and unheroic about each step, will avoid any nasty surprises when I realize I didn’t bring the appropriate tools for this specific leg of the journey. Also not being an idiot and heading into nature without knowing what I am to be looking forward to, is probably a safe bet to avoid disastrous foolhardiness as well.

 

 

Delft - Town centre.

Delft – Town centre.

 

Religion

 

A simple tattoo, if revealed, may sway people’s entire perception of me. When I was 17, I got my first ink on my left shoulder, in memory of my grandfather. The Hebrew writing, reads Shlomo, and in fine small cursive below it reads “home again, home again jiggidy jig” from the nursery rhyme about the pigs, a phrase that he use to sing song mutter under his English Leather scented breath when we returned home. I am worried that if people see the tattoo, they may simply dislike me due to our religious differences and the assumptions they associated with Judaism. I am not religious in the slightest, nor care to divulge to people my opinions about a homeland, that I have no connection to. When I think it is necessary, I am not ashamed to hide the tattoo and with it, my Jewishness. My role, as a visitor to other countries, is not to antagonize nor question. It is simply to visit, to learn and to listen. Politics and religion, as dividing markers are the ultimate measurements of stubbornness and unwillingness. Let’s talk about history, trees, laughter, a world of other things that do not ultimately pit one against another.

 

The minster of Beverly, England.

The minster of Beverly, England.

 

It will be a nerve racking, yet adrenaline pumping three years and part of my safety net is knowing that you read this and are along with me every step of the way. The Kerouac inside of me sees this writing as the ultimate testimony of my existence and tracks my process, physically and mentally, as I am subjected to struggles and victories each day. The mama’s boy inside me, smirks at my self deification and sees these words as more as a pinpoint on a map, that if I go radio silent (or blog silent), my mother can start her search for her only son. Yes, it’s morbid, but that’s just the delicate, high wire act that is this so called life. Oh yeah, and deportation/visa problems. Those suck as well, but since I have experience with them, which is a long winded tale for another time, I am more annoyed than scared of them. Being able to laugh off shit, is also an important tool. Shit will happen, it’s my reaction and lasting impression that will truly mar and heighten my tours.

Make sure to follow, like and more importantly add your suggestions to the forums for the WORLD TOUR, continentforums.wordpress.com

Sincerely,

Ira – Misguided Guide of Cycling the World

 

Fucking Up – The Fast Track to Learning Your Bicycle

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In 2010 I went on my first tour without an iota of bike fixing no how. Basically my understanding of bicycles was, you pedal, they move forward, you brake, they usually stop. I left home with a single multi tool that I had never used before, a set of allen keys and a portable plastic pump. I don’t even think I brought extra tube with me. I am sure I didn’t have any extra spokes. This would all seem like red alerts for future me of a bad situation festering and plotting, but past me, was oblivious to bike failure or it’s maintenance to avoid it.

And nature and the odds pitied me all the way to California. I had travelled hundreds of miles down the coast without a single issue with my bicycle. I had picked up the concept of bike chain lubing somewhere on the side of the road in Washington, so even the sound of my used jalopy was pristine. Nothing was out of line, the wheel was straight, and the brakes weren’t rubbing. From a current perspective, this possibly was the all too calmness before the storm, the sitting in your home, asleep, unaware that the heavens were black and swelling with conspiratorial storms in the works.

 

oooooooooooh, Klamath, California.

oooooooooooh, Klamath, California.

Then, in Klamath, California, under the awning of ancient, thick sequoia trees, the timer stopped unexpectantly. I was staying at a motel across from the large statue of Paul Bunyan and his Blue Bull that stood in the parking lot of the Trees of Mysteries, part theme park, part museum, part schlocky tourist trap. The motel had a restaurant attached to it. I was sole patron, made to look even more depressing, as I was drinking beer, with the accompanying meal being the sampler appetizers combo, which consisted of a lot of yellow fried things that are usually shared between 12 likeminded, intoxicated individuals.  Blech times 12. The taxidermy duck legs that hung down from the faux water ceiling and the stuffed bear at the entrance, which were features highlighted by dead fly filled florescents, encouraged me to pay my bill and seek food elsewhere. Back in my room I removed my panniers from my bike, Klalita, and rode towards the “town” nearby, which reportedly had a general store or mercantile of sorts. What I had forgotten to remove were the bungee chords that I used to secure my tent to my rack. They went unnoticed for about a kilometer in and a half, when all of a sudden, around 6:30pm or so, one of them twisted around the back cassette, tearing my chain in half.

 

An amazing meal...

An amazing meal…

“My trip is over…”

 

This was my first thought. As I carried my bicycle back from whence I came, I attempted to work out where I could catch a bus, with all my gear and bike, back to Canada. This minor atrocity, at the time, seemed like the destruction of my entire world. Yet, as I entered my room, staring at myself in the bathroom mirror, as I washed my hands off of bike grease, I realized that while it seemed as if I was in the middle of nowhere, I really wasn’t. I was in the US of A, which had a plethora of amenities that could salvage my bicycle and the trip it was on. I had passed MANY bike shops and cyclists, so finding one of those was an option. But then I remembered….I HAVE TOOLS! I have no idea what they do or if they can help me, but it was a worth a shot trying to figure them out.

 

Amidst the repairs

Amidst the repairs

With a slow internet connection, I typed my bike issue into the Youtube search menu. 85 million results. 84 million of them were tutorials on how to fix a chain. I set to work, following the step by step guide. Though it took several hours for a job that would now take me ten to twenty minutes, the exhilaration of fixing my own bike was worth the struggle. I had discovered a new desire to know everything about bicycles, to be as self sufficient as possible on future tours, that I now knew I wanted to have.

 

The view from across the hotel -Klamath, California.

The view from across the hotel -Klamath, California.

The safety net of being in a country with a plethora of resources for cycle tourists and travelers of all levels made it an ideal first country to tour in and more importantly, make mistakes in. I recently saw on a forum a cyclist lambasting people for touring without knowing your bicycle inside and out. While I think, if I were to do this trip over again, I would have learned a few more key skills in regards to bike fixing, but I would also say that nothing really prepares you for fuck ups. And fuck ups themselves are great teachers, as well as put you in contact with great people, opening lovely dialogues about bicycles and beyond. I think it’s unfair to say YOU MUST KNOW EVERYTHING TO BICYCLE TOUR. That is elitism at it’s finest. I think a working knowledge of things can avoid problems down the line, but I also think that I would rather people get on their bicycles, then not get on their bicycles, because they feel they are not part of the “club”, own a crazy amount of lycra or are dissuaded to tour, because of their lack of bike know-how. I know several non-cyclist cycle tourers who know enough about bikes. The rest, they fill in along the way. And sometimes you just need to improvise. In the end, it will all work out and you’ll feel the exhilaration of coming to a solution, whether it is the tried and true way, or the wonderfully creative and makeshift approach.

She Will Be Mine, Oh Yes, She Will be Mine – My Travel Bucket List Part 1

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The final resting place of many Orange/Nassau Royals in the New Church of Delft.

The final resting place of many Orange/Nassau Royals in the New Church of Delft.

 

If you didn’t get the Wayne’s World reference from the title don’t feel too bad (you should still see if it you would like to see a mocking satire of Middle America in the Early 90s or just want a silly laugh). The sentiment is, rather than wishing my travels to come to fruition, is see them as a very deliberate and calculated plan of my life choice. Wanderlust, isn’t lustful in that it is unattainable, it is so because it is unquenchable. Whether these places come into play on this World Tour or my next or next transcontinental excursion doesn’t matter, because for me, they are eminent either tomorrow or the near future. For me, the near future is in the context of the greater scheme of this universe, so 20 or 30 years, compared to millions, is blip, so small it is unavailable to the human eye. Wow. Deep intro mannnnnn. Without further adieu, in no order my travel bucket list at this second. Just to let you know, the pictures are simply things to look at from my past travels, not actual representations of the places on my list.

 

 

The main square of Delft

The main square of Delft

The Southern States

 

Now, I have been to So Cal, so let me clarify. When you think of Southern America, THAT’S the South that I would like to see. I needn’t say more to aid you in filling in such archetypal blanks. Not only does the South contain a very interesting history, seem to seethe with unpretentious swagger and have the coolest accents in North America, asides from Newfoundlanders, they also have a culture, that that contains many mouth watering, barbequey components. To be blunt, a trip down South for me, would be a 24 hour “stuff my face with all the food I see” kind of trip. Oh yeah, Graceland….BUT FOOD, OY VEY, FOOD. I wouldn’t expect leaving there without uncontrollable meat sweats and at least an appreciation for radio stations that do NOT play Kenny Chesney.

 

Delft

Delft

Italy – All of It

 

Continuing the theme of food, Italy has been on my radar for a long time. In fact, my first solo European bike trip was supposed to be through Italy. In a crumpled, well loved Michelin Map Book, I have outlined a route that would take me somewhere between 5 months to ten centuries to complete. Every town is dotted and jotted with notes about what to see, what to eat. The notes are additionally highlighted, bolded and underlined to express the importance and dire need to see and eat these places. Each small town has it’s specialty, that’s why it seems so unfair to blanketly describe it as all Italian food. It seems to disregard the intricacies of each region’s own flavor, each one’s own take off or complete abandon of an Italian culinary through line. History is also important to me, especially the detailed specifics about certain famous or infamous characters of the past. The histories written by Plutarch and Herodotus are rife with gossip, hearsay and blatant fabrications, but the stages for all these described events, still exists to be explored.  Italian pride in it’s glorious past has left much of it intact and yet I always have this fear that I have to see it sooner than later, before a natural disaster or violent upheaval takes them from us. I was in Rome for a month and I still feel like I didn’t see enough. I felt I merely glanced upon the surface without fully diving in. I think I would require forever times two to fully get the all-encompassing Italian experience.

 

The Old Church, Delft.

The Old Church, Delft.

Iran

 

If having some of the oldest and grandest cities in the world and being the cradle of one of history’s most powerful empires doesn’t spark any interest in you, then we probably wouldn’t make good travel buddies. Ancient civilizations fascinate me, in part due to their epic mythos, but also that their legacy is still prominent, echoed in large scale building projects that have stood the test of time and now act as story tellers for new generations who visit them. The centre of this world was Persepolis, where the seat of Darius the Great once sat, only to be topped by another great, a curly haired Macedonian, named Alexander. Iran is the classic new meets old, as a modern version of itself struggles against it’s ancient stereotype to be global relevant, as well as accepted. Iran is North Americancentrically portrayed as a bad guy and a generic one at that, similar to the Russian bond villains. This is also why I am interested in visit Iran and many other countries that are unfairly categorized as such. Because I am told not to go and when I ask them “why?”, the usual response is, because “they say it’s dangerous”. Who are these “they” that I am trusting? What’s at stake for them to keep me in line as such. Selfishly, I feel as it is a minor act of rebellion to do so. Or at least, that is how it could be perceived. Simple and plain, I don’t buy into the hype, unless I hear of it first hand.

Again, I will be posting my own wishlists throughout this process not to hint at where I’d like the bike trip to proceed to, but simply to spark ideas and create a dialogue between lovers of bikes and far off lands (or not so far off places). What’s on your wishlist? Post it in the forums and/or in a comment below!

Sincerely,

Ira – The Misguided Guide of Each Mile

 

Beautiful stain glass, main church of Gouda.

Beautiful stain glass, main church of Gouda.